My China Mantra: You Are Enough

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My life feels like a whirlpool at the moment. At all times of the day, I am furiously scribbling notes into my shitty Chinese phone to remember once I get a chance to sit for 10 minutes…

Things to do:
• Email Mom a list of things I want her to bring from home.
• Buy eggs
Buy a jacket, winter clothes
• Pay rent (…for the next 4 months???…IN CASH??) Kill me.

My desire to make rent for my new apartment absolutely crushed my desire to be warm or eat properly. Priorities are king.

Those notes were from a week ago.

I currently have 3 jobs… 4 if you count networking/socializing to find a better job so I don’t have to work 3 jobs. Lets count.

1. Daytime Kindergarten Teacher
2. Business English Tutor For An Engineering Company
3. Free Lance Marketing/Blogging

Right now, my quality of life isn’t too bad. I still find time to socialize and I MAKE time to lift shit up and put it down. I still fit in my daily dose of day-dreaming (2-4 hours) and sometimes I get to eat more than street food! LOOK MOM! I’M MAKING IT.

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Today I saw something on the Facebook that really struck a cord with me:

I control my happiness. My thoughts are what I am. Attitude is more important than circumstances. Never be afraid. All I need is faith in myself. I belong to something greater than myself. We are all connected. Connections are the most important parts of life. Everything will be okay. Love exists. That’s pretty much who I am.

– Unknown.

SHOCKER! It was one of my Crossfit buddies that posted it in his status… he’s about to have his first kid.

Author’s Note: Good luck bro.

For me, it’s rare that I find really calming things on the Internet. I’m on the Facebook, I read the Buzzfeed, and I watch Colbert Report regularly, even though I’m 3,000 miles away AND BECAUSE OF THIS, the future seems more and more bleak. Technology has killed the romantic in me because human stupidity goes vial instantly.

… But this motivational quote is different… Lets read it again.

I control my happiness. My thoughts are what I am. Attitude is more important than circumstances. Never be afraid. All I need is faith in myself. I belong to something greater than myself. We are all connected. Connections are the most important parts of life. Everything will be okay. Love exists. That’s pretty much who I am.

– Unknown.

It’s just so perfectly simple. It doesn’t make a grand lavish declaration that he or she will eventually end world hunger or stop global racism, but rather, it takes ownership. Ownership of one’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions WHILE recognizing that we are only capable of so much! My happiness should be able to filter through the hell-that-is-post-graduation if it’s really authentic. And to be honest, I think it is.

If I could give any piece of advice to wanna-be-wanderers, it would be this:

…You are enough…

Once you are able to accept that you are no more and no less than what you were intended to be, everything else will fall into place in whatever country you choose to live in. Despite the language barrier, kindness and humility will always be able to shine through your eyes.

Let me be clear. While I understand that depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain, being a shitty human being is a choice. I’ve watched friends and family go through hell and back, and still, they’ve been able to maintain their relationships and general decency.

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Attitude is more important than circumstances.

 

I’ve been repeating that in my head for the last hour.

So I’m poor right NOW. So is every other 22 year old without a trust fund. What a novel concept!! I should write for GIRLS. Being poor is not forever… but having the opportunity to wander the world is definitely on a time limit.

With that being said, someone please send me a North Face jacket.

…Let’s take a closer reading…

Never be afraid.

Done and done. I am too stubborn to admit I’m afraid of anything 90% of the time; therefore, I am not afraid of anything. That’s some LSAT logic you can take to the bank.

All I need is faith in myself.

Because at the end of the day, the only person I have to go to sleep with is myself. Be proud of what you accomplished and have faith that you will accomplish more in the future.

Everything will be okay.

All pain is temporary. All suffering comes to an end. This is my mantra of choice when I’m crushing a hero WOD at my CrossFit Box.

Love exists.

Take it how you will.

That’s pretty much who I am.

 

Nihaoworld

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6 thoughts on “My China Mantra: You Are Enough

  1. I gotta say your witty humor is umm pretty GREAT. A lot of people don’t understand of my humorous sarcasm about society. They just look at me blank faced and tell me I’m wierd ha. Good luck with your travels..that marriage post super awesome too! I read part to my mom and was like see the girl said what I’ve been trying to tell you for me! Since her ongoing question is why aren’t you with your boyfriend …where is he? My answer : mom your idea of a relationship is super mentally unhealthy. I was in a live or die relationship like so emotionally attached I didn’t know how to live without him. It sucked. I’m out and I will never let that happen again. For me I don’t find meaning to my life in “society”. As corny as it sounds I find it trying to make a difference … ohh and not so corny- trying to pretend human stupidity is not an epidemic. Make me feel less lonely..power to ya😜

  2. U’re a very brave girl. Kudos! Even though I know boys run less risk of running into dangerous situations than girls, I admit I don’t haVe 1/2 ur nerves. I’m not a risk taker. May be it’s nature may be it’s culture. Nonetheless, I envy you. Now I am 43 married with 2 kids. Risk taking is harder now since every 1 of my moves impacts 3 people. But I confirm ur advise in 1 of the blogs, “young 1s out there, practice “calculated” risk taking and exploration while u have the possibility, don’t close out ur freedom @ 20″
    PS: I think u wd be safer travelling with a companion

  3. This is still one of my all time favorite articles of yours. I know you are using it (and writing it) in the sense of an ex-pat wanderer, but I’m kinda doing some own wandering of my own in this new sober living, recovery dedicated world. And I need this reminder just as much in this.

    I also love your part about depression not giving you an excuse to be a shitty human being haha. They told us that ALL THE FREAKIN TIME at Timberline Knolls (the treatment center I spent a good part of 2013 in..what a journey). And it’s so true. I may HAVE BPD, but I am NOT defined by it. The way I treat others is a direct result of the person I am, not by the disease/addictions I have. Am I going to slip up in a crazy mood swing and be a giant bitch to someone? Yea, probably more than I’d prefer to admit. But that happens to other people too. And I still need to apologize. Having a mental disorder doesn’t give you free reign to do what you want.

  4. I really liked this article because your style of writing is witty and truthful. I have been addicted to your readings not only for the sarcasm but also because of the way you see the world. It’s very refreshing, keep on writing! People are listening (:

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